In The Beginning

In the beginning there was this very unrealistic woman...
Yip, that would be me.
I know I'm being unrealistic to think that we should be talking as if we're friends.
What was I thinking? I mean, I was the one that told him he had to leave. What did I hope he would say? No problem, Honey. Would you like the cream couch or the brown one? What about this coffee table? Any DIY I should do quickly before I pack up my tool box?

It's horrible and I'm scared of him being nasty, because boy can he get nasty!
I feel uncertain and worried and anxious and he's not telling me anything -like the flat he went to view last night or what he intends to do...
And when I suggested that maybe he stay one more night as his sister lives so far, he said don't worry about me I'm a big boy and I wanted to give him 'the eye' and say don't worry, Darling, I know you are.. but that would have been highly inappropriate and thankfully my big mouth managed to stay shut.

I know this is not realistic of me. Of course I just want this to go smoothly and easily - like how many separations have been fortunate to go that way, I wonder?

When my parents separated, my father told my mother she could have the house and the kids. Which was ironic really, as the house was already hers and well, the kids... No one would have put their hand up to go with Dad. That part is different over here, though. So, we'll have to see.

And now I have eaten a week's supply of chocolate in 10 minutes, my blood sugar has dropped through my feet and I am needing a nap.
When I awake, I might have to make a gin and tonic. Like a strong one.