We sit on on the couch. Him on one end, me on the other.
He looks bewildered and vulnerable in a way I have not seen him before.
I am angry and upset, but state things clearly and calmly.
He asks for a second chance.
I wish my heart would sing when he asks this. I do.
But it doesn't, because I am so tired.
So, so tired.
But here's the thing. I do still love him. And really - I love being a family. That part is actually quite a suprise - for me really - seeing as I never wanted to ever get married or have kids and here we are 20 years and 4 children later....
You just never know.
Here's the other thing - if you were booking a trip and the travel agent said, "Oh, I know you're investing a lot in this trip, but you're only going to have fun ten percent of the time." Would you go? I certainly wouldn't. So, that is how I feel looking ahead - I can't carry on with this trip seeing the next 20 years being as the last.
Still. I said yes.
I said yes to a second chance.
And here's why:
1. It's only fair.
2. I still love him.
3. You just never know.